shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
