some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Randomize
