The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
