I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
