Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
