I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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