My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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