just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
