I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
