Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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