Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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