I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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