If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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