We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
