Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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