I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
