I cockslap morals
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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