he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
