I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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