I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
