you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize