you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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