Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Randomize
