3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
