we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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