What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I woke up under a house in Key West
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
