I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
