After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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