help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
