i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
