I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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