I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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