Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
