yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Randomize
