My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
