make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
