I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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