i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
