I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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