There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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