I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
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Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
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We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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