SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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