i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
