And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
