I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
