I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
