Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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