Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
