I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
