I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
