Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
