Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
