i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
