you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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