My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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