WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
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i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
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You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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