Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
