but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
