Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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