real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
