I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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